Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: Why does a blonde drive a BMW?
A: Cuz she can spell it...
Q: How Do You Confuse A Dumd Blond?
A: Put Her In A Room Shaped Like A Circle And Say Go Sit In The Corner..
Q: What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
A: Siamese twins
Q: How is a blonde like a a bottle?
A: They're both empty from neck up
Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto
Ricans.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They are born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard too peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find the M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspsense?
A: I'll post this answer tomorrow.
Q: Why do blonde wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he preforms brain surgery on
a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier....."
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: How do you know that a fax came from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back!
Q. What does a U.F.O and an intellegent blonde have in common?
A. You always hear about them... but you never see them!
Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
A: She was trying to make up her mind!
Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who knows? It has never been done!
Q: Why did blonde throw a puppy on a bun & in the microwave?
A: She wanted a hotdog.
Q: What did the blonde do when she broke her tuperware?
A: Called the plastic surgeon.
Q: What is 500 ft. long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blonde parade!
Q: Why did the blonde smile everytime there was a flash of lightning?
A: She though someone was taking her picture.
Q: What's the advantage of marrying a blonde?
A: You get to park in the handicapped zone.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zamboni machine.
Q: How do you steal the window seat of a blonde going to Paris?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to Paris are all in the middle
row.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: RUN LIKE HECK...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "Wave" at BYU?
A: The blonde were drowning.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks her keys in the car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency
room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000
Leagues under the sea?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there
were so many teams.
Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like sleeping.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
Maple Leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A: She couldn't figure out which one to write first.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: A widow.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to hand her the
blow dryer.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves"
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want to fax her resume?
A: It was her only copy.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You get to park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why does NASA hire blondes?
A: They are doing research on black holes and empty space.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box space?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they are on the bus they can tell if they are coming
home or going to work.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why do all blondes have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: (Finger on chin) "Duh, I don't know" (hits forehead) "Oh, I get
it!"
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (Goods and Service Tax in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The over doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why don't blondes eat jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little
packages.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: What's a lightbulb.
A2: One. She holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around
her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaaddy!"
Q: Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde
are walking down the
street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde, because there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
the Tooth Fairy or a
smart blonde.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
ground off?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: There have been reported sightings of Bigfoot.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill."
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?
A: Divorcee
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs.
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They get lost.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is the difference between elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: Ariticial intelligence.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, What?
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B. L. O. N....ah, oh well..I'm blonde,
I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea..."
Bored and Blonde? Go to the mall !!
*Walk up to two people sitting a bench and say, "I'm a Doctor, I need
to know what time it is." After one tells you, turn to the other and say,
"Would you be willing to give ME a second opinion on THAT?"
*Stop at the Athletic Shoe Store, and ask the clerk, "What is the largest
size of men's basketball shoes you carry.?" Then, ask him sheepishly, "Could
I leave my card, and a note for whoever buys them?"
*Wearing a walkman, head into Radio Shack and tell them, "Today, I'm
looking for a shack."
*Ask the clerk at Fanny Farmer to see either one, and mumble something
about false advertising on the way out.
*Stand in front of a Victoria's Secret show window with a clipboard.
Stop various men, point to a really skimpy item, and ask, "If I was willing
to model that for you, would you buy it for me?"
*Go into the Armed Services Recruiting Office, and ask if you could
set up a desk - just to talk to the rejects.
*In the Athletic Wear Store, ask the clerk a question about a particular
sweat suit, like, "How much sweat do you think this one will this soak
up if I'm really HOT?"
*In the Book Store, ask for a book about famous Jewish Sports Legends
- and get indignant if they only hand you a pamphlet.
*Ask the security guard why the "Seeing Eye Dogs Only" sign isn't printed
in braille. And, "If I'm not blind, but I brought along my sister's Seeing
Eye Dog, would that be OK?"
*In the Barbeque Grill Store, ask the clerk if he's got a small one,
because, "I'm on my way to the movies and think the concession stand choices
are too limited."
*The Warner Brothers Store will appreciate you walking in, and asking
questions in your best, "P-P-Porky P-P-Pig V-V-Voice."
*The Disney Store may wonder whether you are a little too old if you
walk in without children, ask for a Mouseketeer Application, and say, "I've
been looking for an autographed pair of Cubby's shorts!"
*On a really smooth area of the mall floor, while wearing your old leather-soled
slippers, clasp your hands behind your back and walk-slide like you are
ice skating.
*In the Formal Wear Store, ask, "Do you rent tuxedos for funerals?"
Then ask, "How do you get them back?"
*In the Linen Department, ask, "Do you have Turkish Towels - from Turkey?"
*At the Hamburger Stand, ask, "Are the hamburgers are made of real ham?"
And, like, "Why do they go all the way to France to get fries?"
*In the Music Store, ask for a CD of "Negro Spirituals Played As Duets
On The Accordian By Buddhist Monks."
*In the Auto Department, ask, "Do I really need to bring the car in
to take advantage of the oil change special, fellas?"
*The Card Store clerk will appreciate the question, "What kind of card
do you recommend for the terminallly ill?"
*Ask the Travel Agent what a round trip to Anchorage would cost, with
a stop-over in Fargo. After ten or fifteen minutes, stand up and say, "I've
changed my mind, I think I'll winter in my own home town," and leave.
*In the Cutlery Store, point to a particluar knife, then ask, "Is this
like the one Norman Bates used?" Smile broadly, and ask the clerk, "By
the way, are YOU single?"
*Over at the Garden Department, ask, "Do you have any of those Half-Bathtubs
used as a surround for religious statues?"
*In the Swim Suit Department, tell them you are concerned this suit
might shrink, but you really like it. Then ask, "If I filled my pool with
Dry Ice, could I swim without getting wet?"
*Go into the Piano Store, and ask, "If I bought one for Christmas, could
you wrap it up so I can't remember what it is when you deliver it?"
*Walk into the Cinnamon Bun store, and tell them, "I really like the
taste, but I'm wondering if there isn't a way to get one without that awful
smell?"
*In Starbucks Coffee, order some coffee ice cream.
*At Taco Bell, ask them, "Which way is the border?" Then run.
*In the Shoe Repair Store, ask if they have anything unclaimed in a
man's size 9, and, if they do, ask, "What would you take for just the left
one?"
*At Christmas time, wait in the line to have "Kids Pictures Taken With
Santa." When you reach the head of the line, look around frantically and
start yelling, "Johnny, Johnny, where's my Johnny?" as you begin running
around the mall.
*Go into the Poster Store, and tell them, "I'm pretty sure you've hung
a couple of the ones in the Modern Art section upside down."
*Ask the Luggage Store clerk, "Geez, wouldn't it just be cheaper for
me to mail my stuff to Cleveland?" Then, tell him, "Could I use the dressing
room to see whether my clothes will all fit into this one?"
*At Mrs. See's Candies, strike up a an extremely detailed conversation
about how eating chocolate made your face AND your back break out, and
how much money you spent at the dermatologist over the years, not to mention
the hours you spent washing blouses, but, you just can't seem to give it
up.
*In the Fishing Department, ask the clerk, "Is it OK to use a fish scaler
on my heels and corns?" If you get a positive answer, begin to remove your
shoes and pantyhose.
*In the Men's Department, walk up to a total stranger, and ask him to
model boxer shorts for you. When he goes into the dressing room, tell the
department manager there is a man walking around in his underwear, and
leave.
*Answer any unattended service phones you hear ringing in department
stores by saying, "Domino's - please hold." Then, set the handset down,
and walk away.
*Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to
scratch yourself. Also ask, "Are these the only colors you have?"
*Come back to the pet store a little later with one of those "invisible
dog leashes." Ask the clerk to bring you a dog "that would fit."
*While waiting, teach the parrots on display "a few new words."
*Wear your pink Nikes. At the bottom of an escalator, scream, "MY SHOELACES!
AAAUUGH!"
*Show department store clerks your driver's license when your hair was
still brown, and demand to know, "Have you seen this woman here, today?"
*Place plastic vomit on several tables in the Food Court. Stagger around
with one hand clamped over your mouth, and one clenching your stomach.
This often changes male fantasies about blondes.
*Walk over to the coin fountain, splash water on your face, pick up
a penny, and yell, "Look what I found! It must be my lucky day!"
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